Let's pick up where I left off seeing that my last blogged ended when I just turned 9 and I'm now 13; there's some stuff in between I want to share! (Click HERE to visit the previous post).
After getting more comfortable with a lot of things, my confidence grew, but more than that, my excitement and passion for performing grew. (If I'm being honest, I wasn't that much more comfortable, I just had to try harder to overcome feeling really uncomfortable). So, when my mom was approached for me to do a runway show, I was super excited, yet a itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny scared! But, I pushed that down, and focused on being excited and tried with all my might to overcome feeling uncomfortable.
During the first rehearsal, I must admit I struggled with overcoming way more than I had anticipated. I couldn't find my strut or my confidence; this was not going like I had imagined it would. Like, where the heck was all the swag I thought I was going to have. I was so nervous that I had decided in my mind that I couldn't do it, I gave up on myself. I walked slowly down the runway with my head down trying to find my courage, but I felt so defeated! When we got in the car, my mom excused me from the show, she said I wasn't ready...I can't tell you how upset that made me; like now I HAD to prove to her and mostly to myself that I was ready! I wasn't the only kid in the show, all of the other kids rehearsed with no problem; they were laughing, dancing and having a good time. I was the only one scared out of my mind! I decided that I just had to fight even harder to find my comfort because I was going to do this NO MATTER WHAT!
The day had come! The show was going to be in the middle of a Women's Expo. I got a little nervous when we got into the dressing room, but I felt like I could keep my nerves under control. And then suddenly things got chaotic, the coordinator was pulled in all different directions, my mom was no where around (she was a vendor at the expo), I wasn't sure what I should be doing or not doing, my nerves started to get out of control. I could feel the tears burning my eyes; and then falling down my cheeks, they started falling so fast, I couldn't stop them. I then started to hyperventilate and completely meltdown. I think I scared everyone because the room got really quite and everyone looked at me as if I was...hyperventilating and having a meltdown LOL! The coordinator told me I didn't have to do the show and started to get my mom, but I stopped her and through my tears, I told here that I wanted to do it; I had to do it! She reluctantly said, "OK" and finished getting everything ready for us to go on stage.
We lined up and when I heard my name called, I was immediately in a zone; no fear whatsoever; it was like something had taken over me! I strutted down the rumway like I owned it, I didn't even notice anyone in the room. I got 1/2 way down the aisle and stopped to do a dance and the audience went wild, "You Go Girl", "Oooo, look at her!". When I got to the end of the aisle, I didn't want to leave; I wanted to do it again; to meltdown, overcome and succeed beyond my imagination!
That day, I learned an important lesson; well a couple of valuable lessons! 1. Never let fear stop you from doing something you really LOVE and 2. Fear is stupid, like it literally makes no sense! I was so afraid all because of something that wasn't even real and although I had so much FEAR, I literally had one of the best experiences of my life...How does that make ANY sense?
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MY FIRST RUNWAY EXPERIENCE!